is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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