pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
