A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize