I cannot find my penis.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
