Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
