i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
