Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
