Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
