Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
