Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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