you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's shark week go big or go home
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
