I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
