I wanna passion pit in your ass
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
