69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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