he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
