i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
