and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize