in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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