he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
