I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
