I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
