he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
