My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
