What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
