Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize