he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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