i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
