I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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