So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
