Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
