Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
