my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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