when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
