two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize