gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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