Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
