i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
