it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
