If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
