my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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