If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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