Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize