Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
