nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
