i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
