What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Randomize
