she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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