woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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