im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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