i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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