I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
