just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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