I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just found puke in my bra..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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