I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
