my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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