I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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