after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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