He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
