I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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