Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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