she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
