I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
