You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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