Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
