My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
