If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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