Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
