Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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