i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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