This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
