go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
