don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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