Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
