and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We need to get me chipped asap
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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