How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
