We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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