If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize