you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
