hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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