I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
