I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he shaved USA in his pubs
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
