Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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