He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
