I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
