remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
