I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
